Stress Siren.
Originally uploaded by SaylaMarz

A lot of people have commented to me about how cool-headed I seem, considering I am in the midst of planning a wedding a little over thirty days away. I can tell you that though I may not show it, there is in fact a ton of stress there, simmering just under the surface. But even with the persistent stress, I do feel more or less like I am keeping afloat amidst the chaos, and this has to do with two significant aspects: my general approach to stress, and the perspective I hold regarding the wedding itself.

In terms of my stress management, I have worked consciously for over a decade to be able to conduct myself well under pressure – those who knew me in high school will attest that I have not always been so, could have been termed, “flighty” at the best of times, and, “a total spaz” at the worst. This spazziness had a lot to do with the fact that I have ADHD, or “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.” In a nutshell, ADHD basically means that my mind is running on all its cylinders all the time – I crave immersion, which can be wonderful, but if left unchecked will leave you spinning off into confusion and distraction. Life was constant stress. Goals were impossible to reach, lingering upon a horizon loaded with things yammering for my attention.

One of the things I am grateful for in overcoming my ADHD is my work. More than anything else in my life, my rigorous design education could not have been better built to occupy and hone my mind into a far more precise, functional machine. Through design, I have learned how to take an idea and bring it to complete execution. I have learned how to pull my immersive mind from other distractions, and concentrate it fully and singularly on the task at hand. And most importantly, I have been able to learn how to take a brain that is easily distracted, and exercise it with multiple projects at once, and have found a wealth of pleasure and fulfillment through doing so.

So, I suppose I can count myself among the lucky, as I am one of those people that thrives under pressure. Therefore, even when the wedding seemed overwhelming and unmanageable, I knew that I could conquer it. However, if you are not this type of person, I offer these encouraging pieces of advice:

No matter how big it seems, It’s not. Goals are notorious for having long shadows. No matter how daunting a project seems, it will undoubtably turn out to be not as big once you are in the midst of it, getting it done.

Break the boogie monster into little gremlins. Remember, there is no such thing as a big project – just a bunch of little projects that all need to get done. Take any task that seems insurmountable and break it into smaller and smaller pieces, until you are left with something that you feel you can actually do. Remember, the smaller the task, the more likely you will get it done.

LISTS. LISTS. LISTS. Yes, I am one of those people that is an obsessive list maker. And you should be, too, because THEY WORK. No matter how daunting a project is, it becomes manageable when you write down what needs to be done. Minds are sieves, not safes – so write that stuff down!

Be Confidant. More than anything, remember that you CAN do this thing. A positive outlook is the best thing you can take with you into any project, and will carry you through those moments when it feels like everything is falling apart. The self knowledge that every stumbling stone may be a springboard in disguise is a vital, crucial part of being successful in life and love, and will give you the perseverance to reach that silver lining.

What are your tips/tricks to handling stress?

“The Bride” by Olga Vasilkova

It occurred to me recently that I am just a few months shy of getting married, yet no one reading this blog would have any way of knowing it. Truth be told, I have been very reticent about posting regarding my upcoming nuptials, and lately I’ve been picking my brain as to why that is.

Thinking about it, I suppose there are several reasons. One being that I tend to be less personal and more expository in my blogging habits; something I consider neither a good nor bad thing, just a personal preference – I created this blog to show others the things that inspire me, not to dwell too much on who I am exactly. But I suppose the brunt of the reason I have been quiet in this area is that I am a reluctant bride. No, that does not mean that Fiance Kaboom! is hauling me down the aisle, kicking and screaming, with a great gnashing of teeth. I am extremely happy about our marriage – I think it’s an important step in our relationship, and an important marker in both of our lives.

So it’s not the marrying that has me disconcerted, but the fact that between the time of engagement and marriage, I have been put into this position where I am expected to play the role of the, “Bride To Be.” This is something I had not foresee, and frankly am not very comfortable with.

I know there are many, many girls out there that have fantasized about planning their wedding since they could tie their shoelaces, but I have never been one of them. My childhood dreams were always centered around becoming a runaway, starting a rock band, becoming the next great American painter and kazoo player. And if and when I wondered about my future romantic counterpart, I was much too obsessed worrying about the intricacies implied in the idea of ever being able to meet a soul mate than what exactly I would be wearing when me and this rare bird would tie the knot (IF we tied the knot). I never possessed any bridal fantasies – it always just seemed like so much stuff and nonsense in a world full of excitement and adventure.

Now that I find myself in the role of the betrothed, I have discovered our society projects a very clear image of what a woman about to get married should act like and be concerned with, and frankly that list of things deeply concerns me. I watch women on bridal television programs pouring 3-month salaries into dresses they will only wear once, going into near hysterics over the tonal values of hydrangea in their floral arrangements, and frankly, I feel a little queasy. the I think our society puts too much importance on the event of a wedding, and that often all the pomp and circumstance can take away from the true meaning of the day, the personal pledge between two people to be the other’s physical and emotional partner for the rest of their lives.

This feeling has not been helped with the matter both me and Fiance Kaboom! have had to proceed in regarding the wedding itself. My family is first generation Italian immigrants, and have very firmly set ideas of what they expect in a wedding. Due to my reticence to make a big deal of anything involving the wedding, I have acquiesced in their wishes to have a much more traditional wedding than I may have chosen for myself. So I find myself filling bridal shoes I never quite anticipated for myself, and predictably chafing.

I know I am alone in my reactionary feelings toward traditional bridal roles – countless websites and articles about couples breaking away from the typical wedding protocol being thrust upon them confirm this fact. But I also wonder how many girls are in the same position I am – basically, trying to fill the traditional bride role, but being a little disillusioned and uncomfortable with it at the same time. That is a side you don’t really read much about in the wedding magazines (magazines which I refuse to go near with the aversion of a vampire to garlic).

So this is how I have been feeling, and it bothers me that my natural reaction has been to turn away from writing about it, rather than dealing with it in the online forum available to me where my input could help someone sharing my same concerns, or even help me deal with some of these issues about being a reluctant bride.

Anyway, I just wanted to throw it out there. What are your thoughts about the bride role? Are you comfortable with it? If not, how did you deal with it, or how do you intend to deal with it in the future?

I am sure many of you have, like me, been inundated with the remarkable media attention that this little picture of one Jessica Simpson has garnered over the last week or so:

Photo courtesy of Ralph Notaro / Splash News

As such, I would like to issue a personal memo to all media outlets regarding said picture:

Dear Everyone,
Get over it.

We are really doing this? A girl gains a few pounds, and suddenly every media outlet in the universe has to launch themselves at her like blood thirsty harpies? For shame. America, I am calling foul, and I hope for the benefit of the species, others answer my cry.

We are living in a age of SWEEPING CHANGES: our country just elected it’s first black president; we are going to be the first generation to move into the Elemental Age, depending on the wind and sun to power our world. We have the potential of eradicating extreme hunger in our lifetime: and we are alright with THIS? Verbally abusing a celebrity for not being a size 0? I think it is time for us as a people to come to terms with the fact that we cannot have our cake, and then give someone hell for eating it, too. We cannot be liberated and strong, but cast others down for not meeting our physical aspirations for them. If anything, this year has taught us that we as citizens have the power to shape the world around us, and this is one instance that I feel we need to speak out and say “No. We do not agree to this.”

I am insulted and ashamed that our media outlets determine to demean someone just because she has gained a few pounds. These are the same media outlets that are the first to act with shock and dismay when these same girls practically starve themselves to death. Not only are they reporting on this little slice of hypocrisy, but doing so with unadulterated wicked glee: the sheer mockery that I have been witness to in the past week is enough to make me want to throw in the towel on any redemptive qualities I had hoped our celebrity media outlets may have had (which really weren’t much to begin with). Blandishing and insulting the object in the news has never been nor should ever be the responsibility of the media – it essentially undermines the sole premise of a media outlet being an unbiased source of information.

Some would argue that the media is doing their job reporting the weight changes of a single person, but to that I argue that by deigning that something like this is newsworthy is discrimination, pure and simple. How is it that we can live in a culture that is staunchly against judging someone by the color of their skin, or their sex, but that feels it is perfectly acceptable to judge them by their weight? And how can a media outlet say it is their duty and responsibility to do so?

There are a few writers who have spoken up in defense of such reporting, claiming that these news sources are simply doing their jobs of providing Americans what they crave, and that celebrities must accept that it is a part of their job requirements to be beautiful at all times. Let me give these writers a little wake up call: firstly, just because someone WANTS something, does not make it ethical, lawful or right to GIVE it to them. We have all learned this valuable lesson through Marlboro, McDonalds, and countless other organizations that have attempted to earn a quick buck from other people’s pain.

Secondly, being a celebrity has never nor will ever be limited to being physically perfect. The fact that you so cloyingly attempt to marry one to the other is just an example of how remarkably superficial and immature you are in your aspirations. Let me show you some examples of some awesome celebrities.

Aretha Franklin

Beth Ditto

Janis Joplin

These are just a few of the countless women who are lauded and respected as performers and artists, and not simply as the physical eye candy of a generation. By saying it is Jessica Simpson’s duty to adhere to your standards of beauty is to negate any value to her career as a performer and artist, insinuating that she only maintains value if she helps you get your aesthetic rocks off. And that is not only insulting to her, but to all women in general.

But responsibility in this circumstance cannot solely rest on the media: we, as the consumer must also accept some blame. Americans, we must come to terms with our bad habit: we delight in watching what we believe to be others’ downfall. Show us a celebrity that is doing well, and we eat it up. Show us a celebrity that is cracked out, whacked out, or in desperate need of help, and we practically throw a spite jubilee. As consumers, we must make it clear to media outlets what we do or do not desire and abide. It is only by our feedback and purchasing practices can we let these outlets know that we are no longer amused or interested in this discriminating weight game.

Things you can do to stop media outlets reporting demeaning garbage:

- Letters to the Editor: Send a letter, telling them how disappointed you are as a reader with the coverage this item is receiving, or their choice on how to handle said coverage.

- Don’t Buy It: Put your money where your heart is. Make the commitment not to purchase any newspaper, tabloid or magazine that hawks someones looks as a news item. Even better, take that money and put it to magazines that celebrate women of all types, such as Bust Magazine or Venus Zine.

- Send Your Support: It may be hard to believe, but celebrities are perfectly aware of what is being said about them. Sending something as simple as an encouraging letter or email telling them you are not buying into the hype and still love them for who they are has a great possibility of reaching them, or someone who is in contact with them. Negativity always speaks louder than hope – so it’s important to speak even louder when your message is a positive one.

Ok, so I’ve told you what I want. But, Cynthia, you ask, what about everybody else?

Harumph.

Ok, ok, I suppose they DO need presents, too. So in order to help you gather up those gifts for the friends, fam, and sig others in your life, I have put together this wee little holiday guide. I have also kept the current economic environment in mind: these gifts are all under 100 macaroons. Mmmm…macaroons…

Anyway, enjoy!

HER

MEDIUM $

1. Red Croc Clutch Wallet, $38: Every lady needs a clutch. Not only is this little faux crocodile skin clutch adorable, it is affordable as all get-out. The perfect thing for a working gal: use it as a wallet during the day, then dump the frumpy-dumpy bag and sport this little number at night!

2. Ice Cream Cone Charm, $48: Charm bracelts are back in a big way. Add to your favorite ladies’ collection with this sweet little ice cream charm that looks good enough to lick. But don’t actually lick it – that would be gross, and rather creepy.

3. Cupcake Bank, $48: I like cupcakes. I like money. If only there was some way to join the two…TADA! Now there is!!!

HIGH $

4. Snow Bunny Ski Goggles, $98: Your gal a snow bunny? Keep her protected and cool on the slopes with these fab ski goggles, care of Juicy Couture.

5. Italian Leather Calf Hair Regina Gloves, $89: Everyone needs gloves all the time. Trust me – it is the guft that keeps on giving (delectable warmth, that it). These houndstooth gloves are positively beautiful, and made to last. What better way to show her you adore her?

HIM

MEDIUM $

1. Nylon Flask, $55: A flask is one of those coming-of-age gifts that never get old. But this flask is better than your average flask, because SKULL. Also, the careful embroidery is just fancy enough to say “I’m fancy” and just subtle enough to say “I am not dainty AT ALL.” It’s the tuxedo tee of the flask world.

2. Leather Cuff, $55: I am generally not a huge fan of the man-jewelry, but I always appreciate a great cuff. They are durable, and a great little accent to almost any ensemble. Besides, if you get him the man jewelry, he can’t screw it up, and come home with a diamond grill or something…

HIGH

3. Species by the thousands: bearded man sweatshirt, $76: What do you do when you favorite dood refuses to grow out his potentially awesome beard? You BUY HIM ONE, of course.

4. PERSONAL POCKETKNIFE, $98: I am going to tell you a secret: every boy wants a pocketknife (if they say they don’t, they are FILTHY LIARS, and possibly a lady in disguise). It makes them feel part boyscout/part knife wielding Texas Ranger. You can have it engraved with their name to make it special, or show them you really love them, and have it engraved with the word “ASS.” You can thank me later…

5. Flannel Lounge Pants, $98: Who says bedtime has to make us look like frumpy louts? Get that guy some suspendered jamas, and he will look ready to party even when he is drooling on his pillow. A must-have for the campus crowd: you will stop look like the tool wandering around in your drab jammys.

THEM

LOW $

1. (PVC) Windrider Bicycle Clips, Gijs Bakker, 2007, $15: Get your favorite bicyclist these totally sweet bike clips, and save their pant legs from the maw of there wrathful ten-speed. It’s also a scientific fact that wings make you ride faster.

2. WINE BOTTLE CANDELABRA, $20: This candelabra is the perfect gift for your favorite diy couple: it’s elegance and homespun charm would make any space simply divine.

MEDIUM $

3. Jonathon Adler love/hate mug, $24: As an avid (obsessive) tea-drinker, I am always on the hunt for the perfect mug. The perfect mug must be: a.large b.good handle c.beautiful. This duo by design virtuoso Jonathan Adler meet all those requirements, and are an utterly unique and captivating addition to anyone’s cupboard.

4. SUNDANCE-MADE WINE TUMBLERS, SET OF 6, $60: Glassblowers from Guadalajara, Mexico, melt down beverage bottles and to create these beautiful tumblers. Each one is a unique piece of art, with the additional gift of reusable resources for your environmentally conscious friends.

HIGH $

5. Bronze Bird Feet Sculpture, $95: This sculpture is the kind of thing that would be an ideal addition to almost any decorative style room. It is both beautiful and whimsical, and sure to be a conversation piece for years to come.

6. “Gather” Sign, $98: This beautiful sheet steel sign created by Amish craftsmen in Lancaster County sends a beautiful message of community and family, as well as looking totally aces.

What are your favorite gift suggestions?

“Money, plastic, youth and debt” by qwurky

The good girl in question – me. I have finally put myself on a budget, and seem to be keeping at it relatively well. Now that I am on one, it boggles my mind how I ever managed to survive before, spending money haphazardly with no rhyme or reason.

I am happy to announce that not only am I on a budget, but I am still alive and happy, and most importantly, still able to afford the things I want. And since I know that generally, the thought of trying to “Budget” throws the fashion-allured into shock, I would like to pass on my methods for a pain-free induced budget lifestyle.

Step 1: Get the Supplies
This step allows you to shop! Now, try as hard as you can not to buy an LV purse on your way to the stationary store, and grab yourself the following supplies.

- Cash Book (This is one of those books with all the weird lines in it, to help you add up figures. It looks nothing at all like an LV purse, but nice try.)
- Envelopes
- A Calculator
- Something small and plastic to store receipts in, that will fit nicely in that new LV purse

You now have everything you need to start a budget!

Step 2: Learn the Damage
This week is relatively painless – you don’t need to stop shopping (yet), you are just going to keep track of it. For this week, each time you buy something, put the receipt in your little receipt receptacle. At the end of the week, pop that baby out and start adding up all the receipts. Break the receipts into 3 categories: Dining Out, Purchases, Necessities (groceries,toiletries). If you have another category that fits into your life (transportation, coffee) go ahead and add that one as well. Now, separate those receipts you have accumulated according to their corresponding rows, and start adding the numbers.

When you are finished, have a stiff drink.

Just kidding Though what you discover may surprise you. It’s sometimes distressing to learn just how much we are giving Starbucks each week, or how much exactly all those little accessories we treat ourselves with can add up to. Do not be discouraged: the reason you decided to create a budget was to stop just this sort of cash-loss, and knowing is truly half the battle.

Now that you know the numbers, you can start making some real lifestyle decisions. For instance, if coffee is your crutch, do you really need to buy it at a shop? The choice to invest in a simple coffee machine can save you hundreds of dollars, and move you into the realm of financial security. If dining out is what gets you, then make the commitment to start bagging your lunches and cooking at home. These small changes can save you loads of cash, and require no budget to create an impact.

However, if like me, general shoppiness is your problem, you are probably going to need to budget some stuff (stop shaking, it’s going to be ok:). Now, if you are going to budget, you are going to need to make some decisions, the most important being “HOW MUCH?”. By “How Much?” I mean, how much would you ideally like to spend each week? The ideal amount should be one that both allows you to start saving, but also makes you feel like you are not enslaved into not buying anything. You can use the past week’s purchases to help guide your decision in this area. The next thing you have to decide is the rules of what exactly it is you are budgeting. Is it just clothes, or should meals be thrown into the mix? What about necessary purchases, like new hosiery or undergarments? Keep in mind, it’s ok to have allowances, so long as they are set allowances. It is better to determine these things now, than to start making them after you establish the budget, as that is the sure way to start slipping.

Step 3: Living la Vida Budget
You now have a budget! Now you need to follow it. You will still continue saving your receipts for the items you have decided should be within the realms of your budget, only now you will be adding them each day instead of weekly. Once you reach your limit in your cash book, you have to stop buying that week, or you have to put the money you do spend against the money alotted to you for the upcoming week (be careful about this practice: using it too often is a sure way to break a budget). I personally reserve overdrafts only for instances where the item I totally covet may not be there next week to claim.

Now, I am sure you want to know what to do about splurges. You know, that camera you really, really want, or that special piece of clothing you can’t live without. There are going to be things you want outside your budget, so what do you do? Well, you just have to save up for it, or commit not to buy stuff for a few weeks following the purchase. This sounds like torture, but it can actually be kinda fun, and makes the final acquisition of the coveted object all the more sweet, as you truly need to earn it.

Be Forgiving
I am going to tell you right now – you are going to slip. There will be a week where you accidentally blow your budget to smithereens, and you know what? That’s ok. Remember that you are putting yourself on a budget to improve your life, not make yourself miserable. As long as you keep trying to stay on a budget, you will be on a budget, and you will see results. Sometimes those results financial, and some more personal. For instance, getting in the habit of simply reconsidering a purchase before grabbing it up can impact what it is that you buy, and how you consider buying things in general. Budgets force you to do this, as suddenly you need to weigh the cost of the purchase against your ability to buy something later. By doing so, you will start to value things more by how much you want them, instead of whether you like them. And that, my friend, is the key to a budget – really treating yourself to the things that make you the happiest.

And that’s it! You know what to do – good luck!

Reed Flute Cave (Ludi Yan), Guilin, China by Souer99

You are an amazing being of light and wonder. You are a member of the tribe from which all great ideas and inventions spring from. You are the closest thing to a guardian the Earth has ever had. You are loved by more people than you know. You are a learning creature, capable of forgiveness and being forgiven. You choose each day to make beauty or ugliness. Hope is eternal, and sadness fleeting. Society is built upon generosity and reciprocity, and we its arbitrators. You have no idea how good it can get. They love you, that much. An unknowable future is a gift that allows us new chances and opportunities beyond our wildest dreams. You can do ANYTHING. You can do ANYTHING. You can do ANYTHING. And we are all hoping you achieve your dreams.