“Listen, I am Shabby” by Camilla Engman

Ah, New York, the town of infinite possibilities – and weirdos. Inevitably, when you have that many eccentric people in one place, you are going to hear some weird stuff on passing. So much so, that there is an entire site dedicated to it.

I am a long standing collector of these little gems of listening, and figure that it is about time I start sharing my collection with you, my fine readers. The two scenes below are BY FAR my two favorite moments of listening in in recent memory. Enjoy…

SCENE 1: Duane Reade Pharmacy, 28th and Park Ave.

I am in line (and notice I said “IN” not “ON” – there is no line that I am standing upon, you strange, strange, northerners), waiting to pick up a prescription. There is a young woman in front of me. I hear her ask the cashier for Plan B (for those of you who live under a rock, Plan B is the name for emergency birth control). Cashier goes and gets the product. Let’s Listen…

Cashier: That’ll be $45.68

Customer: …What? How much?

Cashier: $45.68

Customer: Hmmm (reflects)…..you know what, I’m gonna wait. (Turns and leaves)

SCENE 2: Liquor Store in the Flatiron District

Again, I am in line. There is a old man in front of me, dressed rather jauntily in a black trench coat and black fedora, with a feather in the brim. He is not at all homeless.

Fedora Guy: Do you have any Tanqueray?

Cashier: Yes. (Goes and fetches two bottles) Which size do you want?

Fedora Guy: (Stares pensively at the bottles) Hmmm…what day is it?

Cashier: (Looking puzzled) Um…Thursday?

Fedora Guy: Ok (nods). I’ll take the big one.

SCENE 3: Former rather loud coworker, on the phone with a potential client.

Sadly, we only have one half of this conversation. But as you will see, maybe that is all WE NEED…

Coworker: You did NOT do that to a little girl scout!?

……

Coworker: Is her dad gonna punch you?

< -- END SCENE — >

What’s the best thing you ever overheard?

By carli kirstin

Still no camera – but maybe it’s for the best as everything in these parts is a nightmare of clutter and boxes as we move stuff into the new house. Haiku is utterly alarmed and confused, keeps on wandering to his favorite spots only to find them occupied by cardboard or plastic bags. He keeps looking up and whining at us, like, “WHAT THE CRAP.” I keep trying to tell him it will be over soon, that soon he will have an enormous house to romp around in, but he does not seem appeased.

Between wedding deposits, first month and security deposits, money is a very scarce thing in Kaboomtown this month. I have a feeling that this Christmas is going to be very, very hard on everyone – I almost wish we could all make a mutual agreement to just give one another handmade treasures and not expect anything exorbitant, but we shall see.

I am also working on some big things for CMYKaboom, but with all the madness of moving, work and holidays on the horizon, I can sometimes feel pretty pessimistic about getting anything done. There’s a restaurant term that always comes to mind when I feel like this: “In the weeds.” “In the weeds” is how you describe being swamped when you are serving – food to bring out, orders to take, not a single moment to spare. It’s the way you let the other servers know that you are overwhelmed and might need a little help. It’s used strictly in the restaurant business, but I actually think it’s very applicable in real life. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could tell your boss who is trying to get you to stay late at work, “I’m sorry, but I’m in the weeds.” Or the next time your bills come into the box, just to be able to mail them back with the note, “In the weeds – will pay next week!” O well, a gal can dream.

I think all of us have moments when we feel we are never going to get out of the weeds. It’s times like these when the little courtesies you give yourself and others mean so much more: a moment of relaxation, a lent hand, a small, kind gesture can have such a large impact on our perspective, serve as a reminder that the world can be a generous, easy place if we let it be. Maybe if all of us lived like everyone was in the weeds indefinitely, we would be a heck of a lot nicer to one another all around.

So today, reach out. Do that nice thing, no matter how small land insignificant you consider it. It might make all the difference to someone trapped in those weeds, and help them remember there is some dry, fertile plain on the horizon. We all need reminding, from time to time.

I think all I want is a little house and a few people.
Maybe next to the Atlantic, with cygnets and swans.
And nobody hurts anybody by meaning to or not meaning to.
And we eat sugared almonds and drink warm-milk.
And maybe ride some reindeer on a Sunday.
And nobody hurts anybody.

-www.theunicorndiaries.com